Zara, 26
We probably have sex less now than when we lived apart, but it’s amazing that when the mood strikes, we can just do it
I’ve known Max since I was 10. We were friends at high school and became “lovers” through some steady teenage flirting. Our first sexual experience was after a Halloween party, unplanned. I imagine it was like everyone’s first time: bad. It’s funny looking back, thinking how awkward we were. Being so young, there was a kind of shame associated with sex: it was gossipy and a lot of people were getting called slags. When we started shagging regularly, we were just so horny and doing it whenever we could – at most, seven times a day. Once we did it in a portable toilet. It was like: “OK, we’re sexually active!”
We’ve been together for more than a decade now and are so involved in each other’s lives, sharing the same friends and hobbies. There have been phases over the years when it has been a test, emotionally and physically. At one point, we were living in different time zones and our lives felt very separate. I used to send nudes all the time. When we moved in together after university, it was exciting to no longer have to shag in our family home or with flatmates next door. We probably have sex less now than when we lived apart, but it’s amazing that when the mood strikes we can just do it: the short and sweet version, or make it a marathon over hours. There’s less pressure to have sex as soon as we see each other.
Now and then, I’ll buy sex toys. It’s never been a premeditated jazz-up-our-sex-life thing – I used solo toys for a while before, so it felt like a natural progression. Some things work for us and then we integrate them more frequently, like a vibrating butt plug. Though we soon discovered that a vibrating cock ring was not our thing. Having done all these things for the first time together, there’s no weirdness about suggesting stuff.
We’ve spoken before about whether we think we’ll ever do stuff with other people. It’s a weird thing to consider, and honestly, the answer is no. I can’t imagine it. Growing up exploring sex with Max means we are totally comfortable trying whatever. We know each other so well we understand what we like and how to get each other there.
Callout
Max, 27
Often, we’ll start by inviting each other to join in the shower, wash each other, then move into the bedroom
Zara is a spontaneous shopper and often buys sex toys on a whim. It’s nice she’s thinking about our sex life and taking the reins, but I probably haven’t enjoyed the toys as much as she has. Maybe it’s because there’s some stigma around them for straight men: they’re often considered creepy or sleazy. I’m not sure why, especially since porn is widely accepted yet considerably more problematic.
When Zara and I got together as teenagers, it took us about five months before we had sex. I had all these big ideas, but remember thinking it wasn’t as easy as the boys would have you believe. We’ve grown with each other. Living together made us even more comfortable – and much less quiet. At first, we had sex all the time, then it slowed. Now, there’s a nice middle ground.
We have three or four positions that we rotate, which makes it sound robotic, but we mix it up with foreplay. I enjoy intense eye contact, and love it when Zara is noticeably more excited than usual. We joke about “wine sex”: if we’re at dinner and get a bottle of wine, we’ll give each other a look, because Zara notoriously gets quite horny after a few glasses. Often, we’ll start by inviting each other to join in the shower, wash each other, then move into the bedroom. Lately, we’ve been having quickies during the work day, usually over lunch when we’re both WFH, which is fun. We’ve also been experimenting more. Knowing Zara so well, it’s sometimes a bit odd when she’s submissive in bed, as she’s quite an assertive person. I’ve learned to play into it, knowing she enjoys it and we have that freedom.
I’d be lying if I said I haven’t wondered what it would be like to have sex with someone else, especially in the younger years, but I’ve never felt I was missing out on anything. We’re in love and have dated for so long. We build each other up and tell each other we fancy each other. We always laugh and say there isn’t a single spot on each other’s bodies that hasn’t been touched by the other person.
